that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
