he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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