hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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