I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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