i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize