they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
