im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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