HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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