My Higher Power is John Stamos
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
