Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
