i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
