yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
