Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Someone signed my nipple.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
