dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
