Are we in a gay sports bar?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
