you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Randomize
