Plan B is the new Plan A
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
