FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize