The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
