Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
