If i come over, it means nothing
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
