just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize