OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
