i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
