She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
