Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
