i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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