party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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