And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize