this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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