Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize