The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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