I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
