we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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