is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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