Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
