I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
