Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
