Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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