Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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