I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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