just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
