Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It's shark week go big or go home
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize