I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
