just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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