last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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