I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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