whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
