Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
