Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
