You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
