Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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