It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
