If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
