take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
