I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
