I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize