we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
