Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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