Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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