he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
