I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
