you would pick up someone in the library
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
