You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
