I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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