Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
