Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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