I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
