You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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