I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
