I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
