Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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