hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
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