I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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