just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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