would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
We're too hungover to prance.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
