omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize