We're like a lot better than the average bears
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Barsexuality is the new black.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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