it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i came on her dog
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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