let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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