The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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