I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
