I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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