Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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