holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Randomize
