Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
