tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We have started to decorate penises.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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