Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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