Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
