And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
