shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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