she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
