hotel room ftw
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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