Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
