and next time when you feel me up, do it right
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize