got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
