ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
